Beast Boy's Pain
by Kina Gray
Summary: A story of Beast Boy's struggles past, present, and soon to be. How much pain can he keep hidden from his friends? How much danger is he really in? Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans
1. Chapter 1: Secrets

Chapter 1: Secrets

Beast boy sat quietly on his bed in Titan's Tower. His feet swung in a slow rhythm over the edge of the mattress and he stared at his hands, worried. Today the Titans had fought against cinderblock again and, of course, won. How Cinderblock kept on managing to break out of jail, Beast Boy didn't know, but that wasn't what was bothering him. It was the pain that had come with each time he shape-shifted into a new form. Of course shape shifting had always been painful; constantly bending, stretching, and adapting your body's natural structure isn't a walk in the park, but lately the pain had been getting worse. Each time he shifted he would have to try and make his cry of pain sound more like a weird kind of animal war cry, which looks and sounds quite stupid if you change more than once within 5 minutes. He had never told his friends about the effort and pain put into shape-shifting. And why should they know? What would it do? They would only worry and get distracted from more important issues. They might even try to stop him from fighting and protecting the city, which was the last thing he wanted. Besides, they needed him to be happy to make them happy…or at least help them unwind a bit; even if it meant getting himself into trouble.

And this was how Beast Boy decided that he would just have to grin and bear it like he always had. The only problem with this was the fact that so much pain made it hard to concentrate on the animal he was turning into. He had to visualize the animal he wanted to change into and then concentrate on shifting each part of his body to fit that form and work properly. As stupid as Beast Boy appeared to other people, he knew everything about every animal down to the last atom and to gain this knowledge he had become a master of biology (with the help of his parents before they died). He had studied them for a very long time and after a while, just by looking at an animal and watching their behavior and habits, he could guess, extremely accurately, how they worked. Of course, this was very risky considering the fact that if he was wrong, he could wind up dead or, if he was lucky, in a serious medical condition (if he shifted back to human form in time). So he only did that if he was absolutely sure of what he was doing. Now that he was getting distracted by pain by just turning into his regular shapes, he doubted he would be trying anything new for quite a while. New or uncommonly used shapes were harder to do, thus, they would probably cause him more pain. In fact, now that Beast Boy thought about it, he actually had quite a few limitations. Frequent changing and drastic changes in size could easily tire him out.

He hopped of his bed and groaned; his body was still aching, the pain still lingering in his bones. He straightened his back and walked out through the sliding door of his room with a smile forced on his face. Down in the common room Robin was at the kitchen table surrounded by a mess of papers and was scribbling ferociously on one of them. Starfire and Raven were meditating in front of the large window and Cyborg was grinning at Beast Boy, holding a Game Station controller in each hand.

"Ready to eat my dust?" he said slyly

Beast Boy's smile widened, "Yeah right dude! I'll show you how it's done." He said as he walked over to the couch and flung himself over the back to sit next to Cyborg.

"Not now guys. Meet out on the training course in 5" said Robin, finally coming away from his paper.

"Aww man!" groaned a disappointed Cyborg and Beast Boy in unison.

"Let's go." Said Cyborg

"Yah…we'll burn some virtual rubber later." Beast Boy said with a small smile.

Down at the training course, Cyborg fretted with the control panel excitedly, explaining something about the new course obstacles and monitors. Robin was quick to silence him and line the team up for a pep talk.

"Ok, our times on this course are great" he said, beaming "but" he raised a finger "I KNOW we can do better."

He blathered on for another 10 minutes saying, basically, the same thing and replaying the tapes from 2 days before, pointing out their faults.

"So, now that we've got that out of the way, Starfire why don't you start us off."

She left the ground, getting ready to fly to the start of the course,

"Wait!" Cyborg exclaimed. He held up a small, black, elastic bracelet. "This will monitor…well…everything. Pulse, brainwaves, stamina, hydration," he continued until Robin put up a hand to stop him. Cyborg attached the bracelet around Starfire's upper arm and she flew off to the beginning of the course.

"3, 2, 1…GO!" Cyborg yelled.

Starfire took off down the course and almost immediately after she started, blasters came out of the rock cliffs shooting red lasers at her. She dodged them swiftly and took out one of them with a star-bolt. Further down the course, large grey walls shot out the ground and Starfire turned upward within a split-second, just making it over. She continued to swerve as pillars punctured upward through the ground and more lasers came shooting from the walls of the small cavern trail. By the end of the course, she was just barely out of breath but her hair still fell neatly in place.

"Hey, you beat your time Star!" said Cyborg, giving her a high five. "but my new system detects that you were feeling discomfort right around here" he said pointing to the screen proudly.

"oh yes, I was partaking in the eating of zorka berries today" she said happily

Everyone looked at her confused but decided to let it go.

"Wait a minute…your sensors monitor discomfort levels too? Why does _that _matter?" asked Beast Boy

"Not discomfort levels. Pain levels. Star only had a small percentage, which is why I said discomfort. Isn't it great?!" he said, hugging the control panel.

"Perfect." Mumbled Beast Boy.

It would take quite a bit to get out of this one. If Starfire's zorka berry discomfort could set it off, the piercing pain Beast Boy was feeling definitely would if he tried shape-shifting. He did, however, manage to leave his turn until the very end, hoping there would be some kind of emergency to interrupt them. There wasn't; and as Robin finished scanning his results, they all turned to Beast Boy.

"Hey guys y'know I'm actually not feeling that great and I'm still a little sore from that fight with Cinderblock." Beast Boy said in his most melancholy tone.

Robin raised an eyebrow.

"Beast Boy we all have our high points and our low points. Crime doesn't stop or start for any of them. We have to be ready to fight at all times." He finished.

Beast Boy sighed "Fine."

Cyborg attached the sensor to his upper arm and Beast Boy slouched over to the beginning of the course.

"Man, the little grass stain wasn't lying. According to my readings, he's pretty beat up from today…maybe we _should_ just let him sit this one out Robin." said Cyborg, looking to his leader.

"No Cy, didn't you hear what I was saying?"

"Yah but just take a look at this…"

Robin turned around, as well as the rest of the team, to look at the computer screen. Indeed, Beast Boy's pain levels were higher than any of them had expected but the rest of his readings were relatively normal.

"That _is_ a little strange but we all get a few bad hits every now and then. He seems fine so lets just gets this done." Robin said, and he turned around giving Beast Boy the thumbs up.

'Ok this should be easy. All I have to do is make it through the course without changing. How hard can that be? Robin does it, right?' Beast Boy thought.

With that, he ran out to start the course.


	2. Chapter 2: a new approach

Chapter 2:

Beast Boy raced forward, wanting to get this over and done with as quickly as possible. As he rounded his first turn a rumbling noise filled his ears. He looked up to the canyon wall to find that a landslide was heading his way. 'Hawk" was his first instinct but, luckily he caught himself and, instead, sprinted onward until he was out of the danger zone. He only just made it and his ears twitched as soon as he heard Robin yelling out to him

"Beast Boy, get it together!"

He was about to retort back but realised that Robin was right. That had been a near miss and he could have avoided it easily if he wanted to. It might have only been a training course but it was full of real danger.

He rounded the next corner and whimpered as he saw a small laser sense motion and aim in his direction. He leapt out of the way, coming out in a tuck and roll only to leap out the way of another laser.

'This would be SO much easier if I were a hummingbird' he thought as he dodged another shot.

Through various leaps, flips, and bounds, Beast Boy managed to make it through the laser field. He slowed his pace as he felt the pain in his spine double and a new headache form. Up ahead was flat ground and Beast Boy could only guess that something was going to come popping out from under ground. Of course as soon as he put a toe onto the field a large concrete pillar, rounded at the top, shot out of the ground. Beast Boy stumbled around it and continued across the dirt field, zigzagging in accordance to the pillars.

"BB what are you doing?! You can whoop this in cheetah mode easy!" Cyborg yelled with a hint of confusion lacing his words.

'So true…' Beast Boy whined to himself.

He, very clumsily, made it through the rest dirt field as his legs started giving out on him in alternation. They were still sore and slightly swollen from earlier that day and changing his direction so quickly and with such force wasn't doing him any favours. He felt like one giant bruise, sure that there must be internal bleeding in every portion of his anatomy. His stomach was twisting up and the only thing that kept Beast Boy running was the fact that his friends were watching and that there was only on part of the course left.

He could see the dead end coming up in front of him and he kept his eyes and ears alert for any signs of movement. He heard another rumble and immediately looked up, expecting to see another landslide but, instead, his feet completely lost track of the ground and he began to fall. Without hesitating to think, Beast Boy shifted into a crow, pain rippling through his body. He gave a 'caw' in anguish and flapped his tired, sore wings furiously to bring himself back out onto even ground. He hesitated before shifting back, preparing himself to show no trace of pain. His body stretched back into its original form, the pain once again tearing through his thin frame, and he climbed back up to the control panel with a sheepish grin plastered on his face.

The other Titans didn't look amused, least of all Robin. Starfire had a questioning look in her eye that was all too familiar, and Cyborg and Raven were watching Beast Boy with their eyebrows furrowed.

"What was that?" Robin asked bluntly, "these training sessions aren't a joke Beast Boy."

'A joke. That's all they ever see me as isn't it?' Beast Boy thought.

"I was just trying out a new approach…" Beast Boy said in a half statement, half question.

Robin raised an eyebrow, "And what approach might that be?"

Beast Boy laughed nervously before answering, "Uuh, your approach…kind of."

Robin's face turned more serious, "Beast Boy if you want to run the course the same way I do, I suggest you train that way. As it is, you have your own style and it's dangerous for you not to use it to its fullest potential. Do you know how you get to your fullest potential?" he asked in a rather condescending tone.

"Training." Beast Boy mumbled moodily.

Robin nodded once and then turned to the rest of the group, "and that goes for everyone."

Cyborg laughed and turned to Robin "Let's just be glad he didn't try Raven's approach". Starfire and Robin chuckled contentedly and Raven smirked a little.

'Oh no. I was wrong. I'm not just a joke; I'm stupid too.' Beast Boy thought, 'Oh well. At least everyone's distracted enough to forget the stats.'

Cyborg was playfully imitating Beast Boy on the course trying to use Raven's powers against the avalanche. He fell to the ground, pretending to be a pancake.

"Well, if that's all then I'm gonna go catch myself an afternoon nap" Beast Boy said.

"Oh yah," Cyborg said getting up off the ground and dusting himself off "we haven't checked your stats yet."

Beast Boy tried to act casually "Well, like Robin said, they don't show any of my full potential so there's really no point in analysing them, right?"

Cyborg looked at the control panel and then back to Beast Boy with a sneaky grin on his face. "No point? Sorry man, this thing is pure entertainment"

The Titans crowded around the screen, the video on one side and the stats on the other. After they got past the dirt field, Cyborg stopped the video.

"Hey BB, what's going on here? I've been watching your stats and, while you were originally in some pain, it got worse over the course of the training field. Watch…"

Cyborg rewound the tape and went forward a little faster to show the increase of Beast Boy's pain levels. When they got the end of the dirt field Cyborg paused the tape again, waiting for an explanation.

"Hey, like I said, I got a little beat up while fighting Cinderblock this morning. The course probably just aggravated my injuries."

Cyborg appeared to accept the answer but not without another unintentionally snarky remark,

"I didn't know you knew the word _aggravated_."

He resumed the tape and the part Beast Boy dreaded came next. Hoping beyond all hope that Cyborg would be watching the video instead of the stats, Beast Boy watched as the ground crumbled beneath him, he morphed, and his pain spiked. For a second, Beast Boy believed Cy had missed it but a moment later he rewound the tape and stopped it where the spike was at its absolute highest. The Titans looked away from the screen and to Beast Boy for an answer. He shrunk away, his mind reeling, looking for an excuse, an out…but it wasn't coming.


	3. Chapter 3: Black Smoke

Chapter 3: Black smoke

"Are you surer it's not broken?" Beast Boy asked quietly

Cyborg furrowed his brow.

"It couldn't be, I just built it."

"Maybe it's finicky about shape shifting."

"No way! Is you're communicator finicky about it? No. I don't make mistakes."

"There's a first time for everything." Beast Boy muttered

Cyborg crossed his arms and huffed,

"I'm half robot. I would _know_ if I made a mistake."

Beast Boy was trapped now. If he went any further in this debate he's be insulting Cyborg's mechanics and that was a line nobody crossed.

"Beast Boy, there's something you're not telling us." Raven cut in, "You don't need empath abilities to know that; it's obvious."

The changeling's ears fell and he slumped his shoulders.

"Okay…but it's nothing you need to worry about"

"If you have a problem we should know about it." Robin said.

"Yes, and we are friends. Do you not trust us?" Starfire asked, her eye's gleaming.

Beast Boy looked from one team mate to the next, each with the same stern and curious look on their face.

A small beep followed by a flash of red light interrupted them.

"Titans, trouble!" Robin said, unnecessarily.

He opened his communicator, "It's Mad Mod. He's tearing apart City Hall. We'll have to continue this later."

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The fight with Mad Mod was a long one; as it always is what with all the illusions and mind games. And as tradition goes, the first thing to be done was hypnotizing Beast Boy again. Nobody actually had an opportunity to snap him out it until an hour later at which point he caught sight of Raven's cloak, newly painted at the British flag. He couldn't help but laugh which soon turned into a frustrated groan as he noticed the pool of slobber beneath him.

A small squeal escaped his lips as a Mod sculpture launched itself at him. Beast Boy ducked and shielded his face from the flying debris as it smashed into the wall behind him.

He looked around: the rest of the team was still fighting back with full strength. Robin was chasing after Mod himself, Raven and Cyborg were suppressing his army, and Starfire was taking out the planes shooting from above. She was vastly outnumbered.

Beast Boy jumped to his feet and morphed into a large green pterodactyl. Pain seared across his body again. Nevertheless, he held his form and leapt into flight. He began tailing one of the planes and eventually caught up, flying just above it. He morphed again into a gorilla and dropped onto the plane. The pain intensified and Beast Boy gritted his teeth. He tore off the controls and began ripping at the wires until he felt a sharp decline and smoke blocked his vision. Once again, he leapt into the air and morphed back into a pterodactyl. Even through the unbearable pain, he could still feel a bit of satisfaction as he watched the plane draw a line of black smoke to the ground. He continued this routine with quite a few more planes until Robin was finally able to apprehend Mad Mod. With his cane snapped, the planes stopped propelling themselves and quickly dropped to the ground.

Beast Boy gave a mental sigh of relief and began to gently glide toward the ground where the rest of the Titans had gathered. He was exhausted and in a lot of pain, glad the fight was over. In truth, he wasn't sure he would have been able to last much longer with such frequent changing exhausting his abilities and causing more pain each time; he already felt faint.

As he neared the ground he morphed into back into himself, but not before Mod threw the remains of his cane at him. Beast Boy lost focus, swerving out of the way and he felt a tear in his wing/arm. Beast Boy gave a strangled yell of pain as he finished morphing and he steadied himself on the ground.

His team mates turned around concernedly at his cry.

"Beast Boy?" Starfire asked.

"Don't worry, I'm fine" The changeling lied.

He turned his back to the team and looked down at his arm. From the outside it looked fine. He rolled back his sleeve. An angry purple bruise was forming the length of his arm and down his hand. He had managed to save his arm but that split second of lost focus hadn't come without its consequences; he'd probably mangled all the tissue in that arm pretty good and, while it was still perfectly functional, it would take a long time to heal. In addition to his other aches and pains Beast Boy couldn't help but let a groan of discomfort escape his lips.

"Okay B, what's up?" Cyborg called

Beast Boy looked over his shoulder and pulled down his sleeve, turning to face them.

"Just tired I guess" he said, giving Cy a weak smile.

"Dude! You were drooling for half of it! My circuits are frying!" he retorted.

Beast Boy gave a one-armed shrug, "I'm still exhausted….so do you think I could maybe catch a-"

"-No way! You are not drooling all over the T-car again; I just waxed it!" Cyborg cut in.

Beast Boy pulled his best cute face.

"Please…..I promise to sit nicely…no dogs." He pouted.

"Sorry man, not happening." He raised one of his large hands and clapped it down on Beast Boy's shoulder. As you can guess, it was the wrong shoulder and Beast Boy cried out and fell to one knee, escaping Cyborg's grip. He put his hand on his shoulder protectively and looked up into the shocked faces of the Titans.


	4. Chapter 4: Unkind

Okay, here's my first author's note YAY! They won't happen very often but I felt a need to thank all of my reviewers :D Your input is sooo appreciated, I couldn't do it without you…well I wouldn't be posting without you. You're all freakin' awesome and I usually take the time to go take a lookski at _your_ stories which are awesome as well. So, I won't keep you any longer; thanks and enjoy the story.

-Kina Gray (Kinabee as grandpa used to say )

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Chapter 4: Unkind

"Beast Boy, there is something wrong? You are hurt?" Starfire asked, hands clasped in front of her.

Beast Boy sighed, "No Star, nothing's wrong; just another bad hit is all."

Mod let a grin crawl across his face. Robin swiftly gave him a plunk on the head and he fell to the ground unconscious.

"Man, I barely grabbed you and you're on the ground." Cyborg said critically, "That's not 'just another bad hit'".

Beast Boy let his hand slide off his shoulder and he got to his feet, straightening his back.

"What's going in Beast Boy? Tell us the truth." Robin commanded

"And I'll know if you're lying" Raven added with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Guys, seriously, it's not a problem. I can handle it myself." The changling tried.

Couldn't they just lay off?! Why did they need to know? It wasn't as if their lives depended on it. Did the concept of privacy ever enter their brains?!

Robin's face turned stern, "Beast Boy, you obviously _can't_ handle it."

"Look, I just have a few things to figure out. Give me some time." Beast Boy said, getting a little annoyed. Of course, he knew Robin was only concerned but trying to force the truth out was overstepping his boundaries.

"We can help you" Robin said

"Oh yes! Five craniums are larger than one!" Starfire reassured.

"No!" Beast Boy said forcefully.

The titans' eyes widened in shock; it was a rare occasion that Beast Boy ever yelled. In fact, they had only ever heard him yell during the Adonis incident and the fiasco with Terra.

"Why can't you just give me some space?! I _know_ we're a team but that doesn't mean we have to know every single constituent thing about each other! – Yes Cy, I know big words-. This is _my_ business and _my_ business only."

"Wrong!" Robin yelled back. "Whatever's happening to you affects the entire team, and that includes your attitude! We only want to help!"

"I don't need help nor do I want it; if I did, I would ask!"

"Beast Boy, I think you need help" Starfire squeaked nervously.

Beast Boy snapped his eye's onto her face angrily.

"The way you are looking at me, it is unkind; not the way you normally see me. And you would never speak in this manner. I don't like to see you this way Beast Boy. Why are you so angry?" she finished, floating a couple feet closer.

Beast Boy's featured softened, his ears lowering. He had never intended on getting so worked up and when he stepped back and looked at himself, he saw something in himself that he hadn't seen in almost 3 years.

"I'm stressed, Starfire, not angry." He said, looking at the ground.

"Why?" asked Raven, monotonously

Beast Boy struggled with himself, trying to find the words that would shock them the least. Of course, absolutely nothing was coming to mind.

"I'm in a bit of trouble…" he rolled his sleeve up to his elbow, exposing a purpley-black forearm.

Cyborg and Robin raised their eye-brows and Starfire made a small gasping noise. Raven remained emotionless, stepping forward with a white glow radiating off her hand. She lifted it toward Beast Boy's arm and he hastily backed away.

"You can't!" he said, all of a sudden alarmed. "I mean, it's not that kind of bruise."

"When did that happen?" Cyborg asked

"When Mad Mod threw his cane a minute ago" Beast Boy replied hesitantly.

Cyborg's brow furrowed "But that didn't even hit you. How…how?"

"I don't really-"

"Beast Boy." Raven interrupted, reminding him she was there and could tell when he was lying.

"Okay! I just lost focus."

"Focus on what? You only need to think of the animal you want to change into." Raven said.

Beast Boy took a deep breath, "It's a lot more complicated than that." He said tiredly, "I need to focus on everything at once. Every joint, every muscle, every stretch, bend and transformation has to happen simultaneously. I _know_ this and I've practiced enough to know how to do it so it isn't usually a problem but…"

"What?" Starfire asked.

The expression weighing on Beast Boy's face made him look older and more tired than they had ever seen him but he still managed to lift his head and open his mouth.

"It's getting worse. The pain is getting worse and it's distracting me more while I'm morphing. A month ago, if Mod had thrown his cane at me, I wouldn't have had a problem but something's off. I don't know what's causing it. All I know is that it hurts more each time I morph. Happy?"

Robin had an angry glare on his face, "Beast Boy we'll do whatever we can to help you but when you say the pain is getting worse, I can only take that to mean that it's always been there. That isn't something you let be overlooked by your team-"

'My God, Robin's really sticking his nose where it doesn't belong today' Beast Boy thought.

"What would it have done?!" he interrupted, "There isn't a solution! It's always going to be this way. Hell, you would have done the exact same thing Robin; you can't deny that!"

Robin fell silent. The argument was over in that split second; he knew the changling was right. Beast Boy rolled down his sleeve, hiding his arm again, and turned his back t the team,

"Lets just get Mod back to prison and go back to the tower."

The team quietly followed his lead.

Elsewhere:

A chair swivels from side to side, silhouetted in a red glow. A large screen plays and rewinds multiple videos of a green boy. The man in the chair releases a small chuckle,

"This could be a wonderful new development. It seems the shape shifter has qualities I never knew about. It's about time I had some fun."

The chair turns around and he stands up. An orange and black mask is penetrated by a single eye, contradicting itself with both mirth and malice.


	5. Chapter 5: History

Author note: I'm really sorry about how short all the chapters are, but I have very little time to write. My weeks are so hectic and offer me miniscule leisure time. Just to give you a proper reason for my stinginess: Right now I'm travelling across Canada with a youth program for ages 17- 21 so…right now I work 9-5 Monday to Friday, usually end up doing a few hours of volunteer work afterward, try to maintain a social life for a few hours a week, and then there are all the add-ons like executive counsel meetings, Food not Bombs every Sunday, PL blocks, KCC, volunteer and 2nd language counsel, making as many calls as I can make back home to my family, and household chores. I made this chapter a little bit longer to try and make up for it but, just so you know, they'll probably keep on coming at the length they've been at. OR you could let me know if you want me to keep submitting short ones frequently (like I've been doing) or write longer ones and submit them at longer spaces of time…???

Let me know,

-Kinabee

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Chapter 5:

"Beast Boy, why is your file empty?" Robin asked harshly.

"Why are you going through my files?" Beast Boy returned.

"I can't. There aren't any." He shot back sarcastically, "I unlocked them so I could update your information. Why didn't you fill yours out when the whole team was doing it?"

"I don't give in to peer pressure." he retorted, matching Robin's sarcasm. "Maybe I don't think my life story has any relevance to protecting the city."

"That's not the point." Raven cut in, "We do these things so we can get information if past rivals show up or, say you get hurt or die on the field, we need to know where and who to contact. There's information on everyone in the city here and that should include you."

"What about villains who break into our tower and use that information against us?" he reasoned. " and it's easy for you guys because your backgrounds are so obvious. Starfire's an alien from Tamaran, everyone knows Robin was Batman's sidekick-

"Apprentice."

"Fine, apprentice, Raven's from Azarath, and Cy used to be a football player until the accident. None of that information has ever done us good, so why do we need it? And what were you adding to my file?"

"We _may _need it at one point so it's still useful to have. And I was trying to add information about your… condition." Robin said, searching for the right word to end with.

"It's not a condition; it's a symptom from a condition." Beast Boy mumbled.

"What?" The titans asked in unison.

"Aargh! Will you please stop asking so many questions?!"

"Beast Boy," Robin said gently, "you need to tell us what happened. We're more than just a team; we're your friends."

"Robin is right. We care for you very much and wish to know more about the former you." Starfire added brightly

"Former me?"

"Yes. For instance, I know now that you eat vast amounts of tofu, and you enjoy the video games when your car is earlier than Cyborg's," she started listing things off on her fingers, "and you are an avid reader of the comic books. But, I do not know about the Beast Boy of the past. Only that you were teaming with the Doom Patrol."

"So what? You want me to recite my life?" Beast Boy asked incredulously

"No. Right now we just need to know about this." Raven said, touching his arm lightly.

Beast heaved a sigh, "Yeah, alright, but that's a long story too."

So much for secrets. But then again, he supposed he owed it to them. By now, he had uncovered most of their deepest, darkest secrets. He knew about Starfire's family struggles and had even been to her home. Cyborg had often confided in him about his life and the whole thing about his infiltration of the Hive had also opened some doors. He probably knew more about Raven than she would ever admit. He'd been inside her mind and helped take down her father. Everybody knew Robin's story. His parents had been killed at a young age and Batman took him under his wing. Now it was only fair that he revealed his story too.

But what would his friends think once they knew the truth. Eventually they would have to know everything. They would look at him differently, this he knew. His heart was speeding up as nerves rose inside him. He looked up from the table into the inquisitive eyes of his team mates.

"I'll try and shorten it a bit. This is the story of how I became green!" He said, in his normal comical tone and he smiled widely.

The team's expressions did not change. They might not have known the story but, somehow, they knew it was an unpleasant one.

"Okay…I guess I was around 5 or maybe 6 years old when it happened. My parents were biologists and they were sent on a work placement in Africa for a few months so they had to take me with them. Of course, I had nothing to do but play with kids from tribes nearby and explore in the jungle. My mom and dad wouldn't let me play in the jungle though so I would have to sneak away. One of the times I disobeyed them I got bit by a monkey. I-"

"You got bit by a monkey?" Cyborg asked with a small smile gracing his lips.

"Yes and said monkey ended up giving me a rare disease called Sakutia." Beast Boy replied.

The smile vanished from Cyborg's face, "That's not possible. If it were you'd be-"

"Dead. I know. However, my parents, like I said, were biologists. They were working on isolating the genetic combination linking animals with humans. So, while the disease was slowly killing me and turning my skin green, they worked on finding an antidote using the genes that allow animals to carry Sakutia without dying."

"Oh, like the monkey, yes?" Starfire asked

"Exactly. As you can probably guess, they found it but it wasn't perfect. There were side affects. My skin and hair remained green and, after a snake tried to attack my mother, we discovered that I could shape shift into different animals."

"What did you do?" asked Raven curiously.

"Turned into an emu." Beast Boy replied simply.

"But if changing shape causes you pain, why did you keep doing it?" asked Cyborg.

"Well back then it was only a small tingling feeling and with biologists for parents, animals were pretty much my life so why wouldn't I try being any one I wanted?" Beast Boy released another resigned sigh, "It was only after I started changing into larger animals that it started hurting me, but at that point there were more important issues requiring my abilities. I-"

"Hold up!" Cyborg interrupted, "Size matters?"

Beast Boy couldn't help but smile broadly at the question while Robin snickered. As the joke dawned on Cyborg he turned a light shade of pink. Raven simply shook her head and Starfire continued staring intently at Beast Boy, waiting for the question to be answered.

"Yes, it does. There are a lot of complications and limitations to my abilities. It depends how drastic the size change is, how long I stay in a form, how often I'm morphing, how different, structurally, it is from my regular shape, etc. There's a lot that gets in the way but I can deal with it."

"So if your parents discovered this half-cure for Sakutia, why haven't they introduced it to modern medicine?" Raven asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

Beast Boy sunk low in his chair and his ears bent down slightly. When he spoke his voice was just louder than a whisper.

"During that same trip there was an accident. One of the villages was being ravaged and some oil was spilled in the water and caught fire. Me and my parents were on a boat in the river and got surrounded by flames. I-uh…my-my mother and father told me to fly away and wait for them at home. Instead…I flew to a tree branch on the other side of the river. I watched them talking and fighting. The fire got close to our gas tank and I watched them hold hands as they jumped into the river. But they were too late… as soon as they were in the water the gas tank exploded…and stole them away from me." Beast Boy paused, taking a moment to mentally compose himself. "I didn't go home after that so their research was lost with them." He finished with new, forced pep in his voice.

Nobody said anything.

"I have never met my parents but yours, you loved them very much, yes?" Starfire asked quietly.

Beast Boy smiled slightly in recollection, "Yeah…I did."

"If you did not return home…where did you go?"

"That's another story Star. Another long story." Beast Boy said tiredly, "One that can wait for some other time."

Beast Boy could feel it as he looked into the eyes of each of his team mates. Worry and pity adorned each of their faces; he could even make out traces of it on Raven's usually mute face.

"Such a sad story. Well we can't have him feeling down. Perhaps we should do something to take his mind off things." Slade turned his back to the now silent monitors and faced his usual line-up of underlings: Overdrive, Cinderblock, and Plasmius. "But this time we'll do things right."

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One more note. I won't be able to write or update any new chapters until the Monday after next at least. I'm so sorry for that but, starting Saturday, I'll be living at a ranch for 9 days to train sled dogs. There are 150 dogs, no hot water, and no electricity...aren't you jealous? (Don't get me wrong, I love dogs- they're my favourite animal- but that's a lot of dogs to train in 9 days. The rest of this week is filled up with work and a variety of other time fillers (probably from the list at the top) and I hope you don't hate me. Bear with me and I'll get writing and posting as soon as I can.


	6. Chapter 6: Concern

Chapter 6: Concern

Beast Boy was back in his room, sitting on the edge of his bed. To an onlooker he might have seemed calm maybe even complacent, but in all actuality his mind was a complete mess. Thoughts tripping over one another, emotions running rampant; Beast Boy's head was a jumble in complete and utter chaos.

'Why couldn't they just let me be?' he thought, 'Now look at them. I could see it; I could see it in their eyes. Pity, worry, fear, everything I can't stand to see for my sake. Pity because they feel bad for me? I'm fine. Can't they see I'm fine? I _act_ fine even when I'm not…especially when I'm not.

Worry because they think I can't handle it? Of course I can; I've been able to handle it for years. It's no different now. A little pain has never slowed me down; I proved that today. What happened to my arm means nothing. I just made a small mistake. It happens to the best of us, right?

And the fear-oh the fear in their eyes. It hurts me the most and I don't even know why they're afraid. Are they afraid of what I've been through? What I've done? Maybe they think I'm losing control. No, that can't be it. They're afraid I won't be able to stay on the team; maybe that they'll have to take me off the team. But that won't happen. I won't let it. They'll have to seal me in a cage before I stop'

Beast Boy shifted uncomfortably at the word cage.

"Augh!" he cried as a new wave of pain ripped through his arm.

'Damn it! I can't let this happen again. But what if it doesn't get better? What if the pain keeps getting worse? I can only hold out in one form for so long now, never mind morphing frequently during battle. The agony is just to distracting and…intense. And it's not like I can train anymore; that'll just speed up the process. I have to figure this out and fast. If I don't- no, I can't think about that- if I don't I'll have to tell the titans more about my past, something neither of us want to go through. Tonight's story was enough of a damper…and none of them asked. Not one person asked why I didn't do anything; why I didn't help them; why I just sat on a tree branch and watched like a coward. I should have stayed and died with them but instead I abandoned them. Maybe I would have been able to save them, and then they'd still be alive. I could pick wild flowers for mom; that always made her smile. And I could help dad in the lab; I always broke something but we would laugh in the end. Now I know they watching me…with contempt and hatred; wondering why I didn't save them; why I still get to live.'

"I don't know." Beas Boy said aloud.

'Because I'm a coward. I don't deserve to live. This pain is nothing. This pain isn't worthy of being my punishment' he thought, with loathing seething from each word.

Beast Boy continued to search frantically within himself for guidance, acceptance, anything that could tell him he was worth something, but it wasn't doing any good. Quite the contrary; the more he dared to hope, the more he would sink into self-hatred.

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Around this time Raven walked past his door. A shiver ran down her spine and in a split second she was overwhelmed with emotion. Pain, anger, guilt, shame, doubt, hate, devastation, confusion, fear; in the blink of an eye emotion after emotion ran through Raven at once. She quickened her pace, putting distance between herself and Beast Boy's room. The feeling was still there but faint as she stole a last glance at his door before going back downstairs to the common room.

"Guys, we have a problem." She said calmly, once she stepped through the doors.

"Sup Rae?" Cyborg asked from he seat on the couch.

"Beast Boy."

"What's wrong?" Robin asked seriously.

Then titans slowly made their way into a circle around Raven.

"I was passing by his room when this…disturbance washed over me."

"I do not understand. Perhaps you needed to use the bathroom?" Starfire inquired.

Raven's eyes flat lined, "No, not that kind of disturbance, Star. It was…panic and loathing. Sadness, fear, hatred, everything was gushing from behind his walls. I'ce never felt like that before."

"What do we do?" Robin asked

"We wait." Cyborg replied, "Wait until he's ready to tell us what's wrong."

"But friend Beast Boy, he is unhappy. Should we not be doing the helping?"

"I don't think so. Not right now anyway. Lets just give the little guy some space."

"Cy's right. We don't want to ask anymore questions for a while." Robin said, while rubbing the back of his neck guiltily.

"I understand." Starfire said sadly. "It is strange. I never knew about this sadness of Beast Boy's past."

"None of us did. I think that's the way he liked it." Raven said, flipping through random pages of her book.

"And something tells me there's more to it than that. He still hasn't mentioned what happened after his parents died. I mean before the Doom Patrol." Cyborg added, furrowing his brow in thought.

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"Oh but I already know the answer to that question." said a deep, bemused voice. "Cinderblock. Plasmius. Overload. It's time to put the plan into action."

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"Titans! Trouble!" Robin yelled as a red light and buzzer went off in unison.

The titans assembled quickly in the common room, where Robin was typing frantically on the computer.

"Overload, Plasmius, and Cinderblock are spread across the city causing trouble. We'll have to split up. I'll send their locations to your communicators. Raven, you're on Overload. Cyborg and Beast Boy, you take Cinderblock. Me and Starfire will follow up Plasmius. Got it? Titans, go!"

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In the T-car:

"Hey B?" Cyborg asked seriously.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to stop you from fighting but…just take it easy."

"Cy, I'm fine. It sounds worse than it is."

Cyborg mentally scoffed. His stats from the training runs had already said it all, never mind the fact that Beast Boy had said it was getting worse. Regardless, he decided to play along.

"Okay, I just …you're my buddy and…"

"Are you trying to say you care about me?" Beast Boy asked teasingly, trying to steer the conversation away from himself.

"I-well…"

"C'mon, just say it; you love me like a brother, right?"

"Now watch it string bean."

"You can admit it."

"Forget it."

"You love me."

"Nope."

"Yeah, you big chunk of metal."

"No way man. I only _love_ my T-car. She's my baby." Cyborg said, stroking he dashboard.

"Fine. Fine. If you say so…but I know you love me."

Cyborg pulled the car to an abrupt stop.

"We're here." He said, ending their banter.

"Uh, are you sure? Why would Cinderblock attack a junkyard?"

"Maybe he needed to blow off some steam? But he _did_ break out of jail and he _is _on private property, so we still have a job to do."

They walked in through the front gates and it wasn't long before they found Cinderblock considering the racket he was making. Cyborg started up his sonic cannon.

"Yo, blockhead!" he yelled as he aimed.

A blue blast of light streaked toward Cinderblock. He met it with a very crumpled car. Beast Boy morphed into a small green canary, chirping tragically as he flew overtop of Cinderblock's head. He morphed again; this time into a large whale falling directly on top of Cinderblock. For a moment it seemed like he was down for the count and Beast Boy changed back into himself but he was sadly mistaken as a large concrete hand took hold of his ankle and swung him around. Beast Boy was thrown into a car windshield which instantly gained a large spiral of cracks in the centre.

"Man I thought I told you to take it easy!" Cyborg yelled as he ran in to continue the fight.

Beast Boy sat up and rubbed his back where it had hit the car the hardest. At the same time his communicator beeped and flashed. He answered to Robin's strangled yells.

"Cyborg. Beast Boy!"

"What?" Beast Boy asked worriedly.

Robin's answer was scattered as he continued fighting with Plasmius and tried to relay the message. "There's been another alert-ERR- some loggers- Star, watch it!- were attacked in an area- oof- around you guys. Are you almost done with Cinderblock?"

Beast Boy looked back up to see Cyborg and Cinderblock, hands clasped, each trying to push the other back.

"You go B! I got this." Cyborg yelled.

Beast Boy turned his attention back to his communicator, "I'm on my way."

He morphed into a falcon and took off, doing his best to muffle the screech that escaped his beak. He knew he had failed when Cyborg craned his neck in concern.

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As he neared the logging site Beast Boy descended and changed back into himself, landing safely on his feet. He groaned and crouched down, rubbing his ribs painfully. He clenched his teeth as he stood back up and rolled his shoulder to loosen it up.

When he looked around everything was quiet. It didn't seem as if there had been any kind of struggle; there weren't even suspicious looking scuff marks in the dirt. Even with his enhanced senses nothing seemed amiss. Beast Boy took out his communicator and flipped it open.

"Hey Robin?"

"Yeah BB, what's going on?"

"Nothing. There's nothing here. It doesn't look like anything's happened Are you sure you sent me to the right place?"

It took a minute for Robin to respond, "Alright look, we've just about wrapped things up here so just wait and we'll all be up after we put these guys back in prison. It'll only be about an hour to sort this out."

"Okay, I'll take a look around until you get here."

Robin's end cut out and Beast Boy closed his communicator. In a flash it was stripped from his hand and a small cut went through his glove and into his thumb. Beast Boy whipped his head around and saw his communicator pinned to a tree with some kind of dart sticking through the center. He walked closer and, as he realized what it was, froze in place. A sharp, orange 'S' held his communicator against the tree trunk. Beast Boy heard a soft laugh behind him and, once again, whipped his head around.

"Slade." He hissed.


End file.
